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*********Much to my surprise, one day Jo announced that she wanted to adopt a child. We talked about it, and I was not against the idea, so she chased down by telephone what we had to do. The first thing we had to do was to go in for an interview. The woman we talked to said, “It is almost impossible to find a baby, but there are a number of older children currently in foster homes who really need to be adopted.”Truthfully, we had not thought of that. I said, “I am not sure how to handle an older child. I had figured to grow into this fatherhood business as the baby did.”She laughed and said, “That is the usual reaction to my suggestion. You could foster a child until you decided whether or not to go through with the adoption.”“Isn’t that kind of hard on the child? Never knowing if he or she was going to be rejected would be tough for a kid to face.”“You are correct, but we would not place a child with you until we were sure that we had found the right one for you. Do you want a boy. My heart was in my throat and my stomach was twisting so much it was making me feel queasy. I didn’t know how to put my emotions into words. I was so scared that I had ruined things permanently. Steeling my nerves, I reminded myself that I had flown to another country for this man, and to hold anything back out of fear now would be pointless. Joe was watching me patiently and I tried to smile. ‘When I saw you – I knew what an idiot I’ve been.’ I took a shuddering breath. ‘I love you, Joe. And I want to be with you. If that’s what you want,’ I added quickly. ‘I mean, I understand if I’ve fucked things up -‘ He placed his fingers on my lips to stop me. I looked at him nervously, trying to read his expression. The elevator dinged and the doors opened but I still couldn’t tear my eyes from his. He led me into the hall and stopped, pressing my back gently against the wall between the elevators. Resting his hands on the wall on either side of me, he hovered over me, filling my vision with.
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